So last night, we got the back room damn near spotless. I even vacuumed! Sadly, the vacuum may need some taking apart, because I’m not sure what I sucked up (I swept first!), but it didn’t sound happy. Rob will take a look at it when he gets here if I don’t get too impatient and take it apart before he arrives (before anybody panics, no, this wouldn’t be my first time taking a vacuum cleaner apart, and I’m pretty good with stuff like this).

The front room is pretty clean too (but not vacuumed). Tonight, the goal is to get the livingroom in tip-top shape so we can move the freezer which is in the front room into the back room 🙂 Then I won’t have this big chest freezer taking up my entire front hall and blocking access to bookshelves and windows. I has a plan!

The being left alone in the office every afternoon is a bit weird, but I’m getting used to locking up. I am making great strides with the knowledge base here, but we’ll have to see how much of it I actually retain when the lady who’s training me retires next month! (I am taking copious notes on everything I do, so I should be able to swim rather than sink). I’m also thinking of taking the courses required for the bookkeeping certificate online at Algonquin.

As to weight loss (as I promised yesterday)… well, things have been sort of bleh since my gym membership lapsed at the beginning of April. I haven’t been getting much exercise, I’ve been eating whatever I felt like eating, and it’s been so hot, I haven’t wanted to cook. I finally put in the a/c and it at least cools down the kitchen. I’m going to start saving to add another unit in the front room next year (don’t think I’ll be able to swing it this year). So eating badly and barely exercising have contributed to bringing me back up to 285. (I was in the 290s for a couple of weeks there). Gross. Considering I was at 270, and I let it slip away, I’m very frustrated with myself right now.

Rob and I are going to be doing a 5k walk while he’s here next weekend (reminder – you can sponsor me for the Walk for Arthritis by clicking here). But other than that, I need to get moving again. I need to start doing yoga at home (and for that, I need space, thus moving the freezer out of the only space large enough). I need to start walking, and I need to get back to the gym – which will be easier now that I’m employed again. I also need to start exercising a bit of control over what’s going in my mouth. No more fast food, no more lunches out (granted, that was everyone’s habit at my last job, but it’s got to stop). We have a full kitchen at the office, so making lunch will be a bit more flexible in terms of what I can prepare.

I need to get serious, because I really noticed a difference in how I felt when I gained all that weight back. I was down to 270. I ballooned back up to 293. All of a sudden, I was really tired all the time, and sore! My joints were bothering me again, and all I wanted to do was sit around and do nothing, because I had no energy. I’ve brought my weight back down to 286 (during shark week, to boot! that was an accomplishment), but I still have a really long way to go.

Here’s the thing. Every time someone else brings this up (i.e. Rob, mom, etc.), it makes me feel like a total failure and reminds me of how ugly I feel. Sunday, Rob brought it up, and I literally burst into tears and wouldn’t talk about it at all. I just felt horrible. I feel like my entire life is becoming about what I weigh, or what I eat, or what I SHOULD be doing. I don’t want my entire life to be just about weight loss. But that’s kind of where I am right now, and I’m not sure how to change that. I guess the first step would be to stop viewing this as a failure and more as a temporary setback. I mean… I haven’t died fat yet, right? So there’s still time to turn this around. Now I just have to do it.

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