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So I’m on day three of antibiotics to deal with the kidney infection and I’m finally starting to feel human again. Yesterday I took a walk down to a local raw-food restaurant (no, I’m not jumping on a fad diet, but I do love their pad thai salad and dairy-free cheesecake). I realized this morning that I used that walk to justify not getting on the treadmill last night. And that right there is a big part of the problem. The walk to and from the restaurant from work should have been considered part of my normal day, irrelevant to whatever I’m supposed to be doing exercise-wise. Fail. 

I’m trying to do a better job of listening to my body and putting the fork, or whatever I’m using, down when I’m not hungry anymore. But when I let myself get really hungry before eating a meal – either because I’m busy or inattentive – I tend to eat too quickly for those sensations to register. So now I have to work on slowing myself down somewhat so I can actually hear my body’s signals. Why are we taught to ignore our instincts? When I was a kid, it was “Finish your dinner! Clean your plate!” and a lot of the time I just wasn’t hungry. I’m getting better at leaving food behind on my plate, but I always feel guilty for wasting. 

Today, I steamed a bunch of asparagus in the microwave and chopped up 1/4 cantaloupe for lunch (I also had a couple of pieces of sushi for protein). I haven’t come close to finishing it, and I’m just not hungry. Fortunately, I know I can just store this in the fridge, and it’ll be there for me to finish tomorrow. If it was cake, I’m not so sure I’d be able to listen to my body quite as well. I’ve said before that eating properly is not one battle and once you’ve made a decision, it’s done. It’s a hundred, sometimes a thousand small battles each and every day. And sometimes I win, and sometimes I lose. Last night, I was really tired when I got home, and I lost. I ordered pizza (with double bacon strips – ugh – way to make an unhealthy dinner even worse). And I ate pizza. And then I got bloated and uncomfortable and felt fat and gross. 

The difference between winning and losing these hundreds of tiny battles is that a loss feels so much bigger than any number of wins. And losing carries far more guilt with it than the winning does pride. It’s as though we constantly set ourselves up for failure. And it’s really frustrating. But I’ve already set myself up to succeed tomorrow – at least at lunch! I have some already-cooked asparagus, some already-cut cantaloupe, and some leftover sushi to have for lunch tomorrow. And that sounds pretty awesome to me. 

Tonight, I’m heading to an electronics store to buy myself a tablet to replace my poor, lost iPad. I will download some tv shows and maybe a short movie or two onto it so that I have something to watch while on the treadmill (because I get really bored otherwise). And then, I will stop making excuses for not getting on the treadmill. Rob has already asked that we go to the gym while he’s visiting for Christmas, because he wants to drop a few pounds as well. There’s only one recumbent bike at my gym though… I may have to fight him for it! (or find a better gym)

I’m going to ask for some help here. What are you favorite go-to ideas when you want something quick and healthy to eat? I’m trying to get out of the fast food habit and into some habits that will serve me well in the long run.

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