Sorry it’s been so long (to the 2 people who read this – hi mom!). A few days after my last blog post, my doctor’s office called me. I had mistakenly thought I was in the clear, because it had been nearly two months since my blood sugar test, and nobody had called me. Stupid me, I should have called them before getting all excited and believing I was okay. Yup. Diabetes. 

So she started me on Metformin and Glyburide. And I have felt like absolute crap ever since. I get shaky because I tend to forget to eat as often as I’m supposed to (last Sunday being a prime example… I had breakfast at 10:30 when I got up, forgot all about lunch, and then we had dinner at Mom’s around 6pm – no wonder I was shaky!). I feel nauseated for a few minutes every single time I eat anything. I’ve had a headache since the 2nd day on the meds. No kidding. Headache. Constant. 20 days. My digestive system is COMPLETELY out of whack (I was extremely regular before this). I also can’t fall asleep at night, which is decidedly odd for me. I’m one of those people who falls asleep the second their head hits the pillow. And now I’ll lie there for hours, just hoping I’ll fall asleep before the alarm.

About a week ago, I saw 273 on the scale. I earned that. I worked hard for that. I have been eating carefully and exercising EVERY day, and I’ve been upping the intensity of my workouts as well, adding some weights here and there, adding some incline on the treadmill for a few minutes at a time. And today? I am TEN POUNDS over that 273. In ONE WEEK. There is no way in hell that I have eaten enough to gain 10 lbs. I’m trying to up my water intake as well, because TEN POUNDS. 

And so.

I’ve been feeling like crap, I’ve been exhausted due to lack of sleep, I’ve been dehydrated, I’ve been bloated, and I am fed up. I don’t know how to fix this. My parents and my brother who are all diabetic as well, say that this too shall pass when my blood sugar starts to regulate. I’m not sure I can believe that. I actually sat at my desk this morning, sobbing, because what I saw on the scale this morning depressed me THAT much. It doesn’t seem to matter what I try. I eat well. I avoid processed starches and sugars. I exercise. And I just keep getting fatter. It’s kind of like being in an abusive relationship with myself. No matter what I try, I fail, so I get mad at myself, treat myself like shit, and then feel like shit both because I’ve been treated like shit and because I feel guilty for treating myself like shit. It’s like being BOTH PARTNERS in an abusive relationship with myself. And it sucks. 

And that’s why I haven’t blogged in a while.